Dimanche 24 avril 2011 à 18:56
This girl, she thought all the way long she was Heraclès, she even acted "Heraclès as" but then she all of the sudden realised she was a lot more like vanilla icecream that melts in the sun. She was human, she was vulnerable, and that is when she felt strong, because she admitted all of her little weaknesses, imperfections into her consciousness. She had that thing when somebody would lavish her with praise, she just wouldn't take it but as soon as she was hearing one negative thing about her she would start to feel aweful. She was scared of disconnection, which was actually weird as whe was pretty good at making connections with people in fact.
But she just wondered....Is there something about me that if other people know it or see will make them think any sort of connection with me would be nonesense ? Well i've got to tell you this feeling is pretty universal...the only persons who don't experience shame in their lives have no capicity for human empathy or any ability to connect with other people.
What underpins this shame, this fear is ... " I'm not good enough". This is THE vulnerability point in our lives. Our disapointement comes from the fact we always trying to be not ourselves, we are trying to excel in some stuff we are certainly not good at. Like if we were running on the edge not fearing a second that we could fall even so it's really likely to happen.
It came finally to my mind that they were only one variable that changes everything. You had two kind of people the people who have a sens of worthiness, they have a strong sens of love and belonging and folks who struggle for it, always wondering if they are good enough.
The only variable is that the first kind truly believe they deserve that love and belonging, and that's it ! they believe they 're worthy.
However what they all have in common is a sense of courage. You know courage in french comes from " coeur " so the point is telling your story with your whole heart.
Yes , they all have the courage to be imperfect, they had the compassion to be kind enough to themselves first and then to others, because as a matter of facts, we can't pratice it on others unless we've done it on ourselves first.
They also all have a sole intention of authenticity. They are willing to let go who they thought they should be in order to be who they were. They also fully embraces vulnerability, they believed that what made them vulnerable also made them beautiful.
They didn't mention it as being confortable or dreadful, but as something necessary.
The risk you take when you say i love you first, when they are no guarantees of suceeding, the willingness to breath through waiting for the results of your recent blood test to come, the willingness of invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.
When you achieve to realize all these things either you experience something called a breakdown or eventually also a spiritual awakening.
And if vulnerability seems like a scourge it is also the birthplace of joy and creativity.
So NO, you cannot numb emotions saying "here's the bad stuff, here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear ,here's disappointement, i don't want to feel these". Because when we numb those we also numb happiness, gratitude, and then we become miserable, starting to look for purpose and meaning. We seem to live JUST fine ,but in fact we're not living quite fully.
In behavior, we start making things that are uncertain, certain : "I'm right, you're wrong, that's it, just certain". That never led to a conversation nor any discourse, but mainly just blame on others. We try to perfect ourselves and also the people around us, sometime children and we create such pressure on everybody. It's like saying you're a perfect new little being you NEED to keep it up as we should say you're imperfect, but this makes you who you are and you are beautiful, and althought life is quite a struggle, this makes you worth of love and belonging.
We also do something call pretend, so when some situation feels to good or too bad, when we start to experience something close to emotions, we step back we run away from it, putting our social mask back on and pretend.
But what we don't realize in all of this is that we are the only obstacle to our connection with others, and we shouldn't waste all of our energy doing that because we shoulf all know that WE ARE ENOUGH.
